Can you remember the last time you didn't do something just because you were worried about what others would think? And later on, did you experience a sense of worthlessness and regret? Let me tell you something that can change your life. I'm sure you've heard it before, but today, as you read this, I want you to truly think about it and make a decision. Be yourself!
Have you ever noticed that when you refuse to do something because of what others might think, you aren't being true to yourself? If you constantly worry about being liked, accepted, and respected by others, if you fear being alone or rejected, or find it difficult to express yourself fully because you doubt your own worth, then this passage is for you. I believe that by the end of this article, you will be inspired to bring positive changes into your life. Are you ready to face the fear of not being accepted, liked, or respected by others? Let's get started.
Firstly, let me share why I decided to write about being yourself. Until last year, I was just like the people who constantly put others' happiness before my own. I was a people pleaser. There's a famous quote among philosophers that goes, "The more you strive for perfection to please others, the more you lose touch with yourself." I personally went through this struggle, and as you may be experiencing, it was a painful journey. But fear not, because if I could overcome the fear of being myself, so can you.
To solve any problem, we first need to understand its root causes. The first reason why we are not true to ourselves lies within us – our negative thoughts. Seeking attention, love, and respect from others, and excessively pondering over what they say, think, and how they might react, leads to a lack of trust in ourselves and a fear of being authentic. Let me share one of my experiences regarding this. Last year, we went to a pastry shop to order a cake for Teacher's Day. Some boys were there, struggling to choose a cake. They asked for my opinion, and I liked one cake, but I thought my friends and those boys wouldn't approve of it. So, I chose another cake, and later, I deeply regretted it. Even now, when I go shopping with my friends, I struggle to make decisions and often prefer to go alone. It's clear how much we value others' opinions over our own. The main issue lies within ourselves and our negative thoughts that prioritize others' opinions over our own. If you constantly seek attention, love, and respect, the negative thoughts about what others think will hinder you from being yourself.
The second reason is the influence of family, friends, and society. Allow me to share another example. I recently went shopping alone and encountered a couple. The wife chose a piece of clothing, but the husband criticized it and persuaded her to choose something else. Witnessing their interaction, I felt sorry for the woman. You can see how others can influence and manipulate us. Family, friends, and society have a significant impact on our ability to be ourselves. If we grow up in a family that rejects us or constantly interferes with our decisions, we start believing that we are not enough without their approval, that we must conform to their desires. Similarly, friends and society play a crucial role in shaping our identities. For instance, in some communities today, government regulations dictate how girls and women should dress. How can you choose to be yourself when you can't even choose your own clothes? However, you have the power to determine what type of life you want to live. Remember, no one should make you feel bad about yourself.
Now, let's discuss what we can do to solve this problem.
Firstly, be confident and do not measure your value based on others' opinions. Love and respect yourself. When you truly love yourself and acknowledge your own worth, you become fearless. You realize that you can survive without others because you have yourself. When you love and respect yourself, you don't constantly seek validation from others, and as a result, you pursue the things you truly want. I understand that it's easier said than done, but initially, it may be challenging. How can you love yourself? Start by being kind and forgiving towards yourself. Embrace self-care activities and spend time alone, getting to know yourself better. Deepen your understanding of your own interests, passions, and values. Sometimes, loving yourself may not be enough. You also need to free yourself from the opinions and expectations of others that you've carried for so many years. It's not an easy task, given the long-standing conditioning you've experienced. Here's what you can do: start doing the things you've avoided in the past because of what others might think, say, or how they might react. When you're with others, try to express your honest opinions. If someone asks for a favor that you don't want to do, don't be afraid to say no. Take responsibility for your own life and stop letting others make decisions for you. Make yourself a priority. Yes, prioritize your own needs and desires. Keep in mind that prioritizing yourself isn't a selfish act unless you completely disregard others. I'm not encouraging you to ignore others; rather, my point is that while you should consider others, never forget yourself or place their needs above your own.
In conclusion, I want you to reflect on the importance of being yourself. Be brave and nurture a strong relationship with yourself. When faced with a decision, listen to your own voice, not the voices of others. If Steve Jobs hadn't followed his own instincts and quit when others said it wasn't possible or good enough, we wouldn't have Apple today. Listen to yourself, trust yourself, and be yourself. I have faith that you can win this battle. Keep in mind that you are not alone on this journey, for God is with you every step of the way.